Happy Fatness

So I just came across this article about recent studies showing that people can be overweight or obese and healthy .I heard about these findings a few months ago and filed it under "Dear Brain.. please remember to look into this later". And forgot:)

 (http://healthland.time.com/2012/09/05/can-you-be-fat-and-fit-or-thin-and-unhealthy/)

I approve:). As a happy fat person... of course I would be all over a scientific study that supports my felling  that one CAN in fact be the dreaded F word AND happy and (gasp) even PRETTY and smart and  (OMG)HEALTHY and in general have a great life:)

I  want to STRESS VERY STRONGLY that the results in this study are based on fat people who lived a fairly healthy lifestyle that included regular exercise and generally healthy eating habits.The premise of the article is that people CAN be obese and healthy. And alternately that people can be thin and unhealthy.Weight is not perhaps, the be all and end all we thought.The article suggests that exercise and good eating habits carry more weight(hehehe)than just the number on the scale.

No one on the planet is seriously  advocating sitting around eating a box of donuts and 3 pizzas a day and never moving.Healthy habits do make a difference for most people.Some people ARE outside healthy weight ranges because of an unhealthy lifestyle. However there are people who  DO live a healthy lifestyle outside of the approved weight box

I believe this is a possibility.. even a fact.Some people are naturally thin, some tend to fat.. and some level out in the middle.I believe that aspiring to health is important.. but that in our culture we have narrowed the definition of health too much.There are people I know who drink Pepsi and eat cheeseburgers everyday and never get even close to fat.And SOME of them have atrocious levels of cholesterol and , high blood pressure and off the charts sugar levels. All the things we associate with being fat. Without a single extra pound..Alternately,I know girls who  live on rabbit food and diet soda, and gain weight just breathing in taco fumes.I know plenty of people our society would call fat without fat diseases. Health is not a one size mumu.I do not believe that there is a uniform calories in calories out formula or set of health numbers that fits all of us.We all have different bodies and different characteristics, so why should we not have different levels of metabolic success:D?

In addition I think that we too often confuse health with physical ideals.I hear young girls all the time say that they wish they were "in shape" like such and such super model.I think that there is no one in LESS "shape" than a women who denies herself food and exists on cigarettes, coffee, and other nefarious stimulants.. Of course I TRY to refrain from telling them so.. cause as a grown up woman with 50 extra pounds on her.. I have ZILCH credibility there:)They WILL decline to believe me.

But it is NOT just 14 year old girls. We all subscribe to environmental  standards of beauty which is fine.. I have nothing against pretty stuff.. all cultures have ideas of what is beautiful .. but those ideals are NOT really good indicators of health.On both sides sometimes:)

I was ENTHRALLED this year during the Olympics at some of the women competing. I was seriously praying that the young chickies of America were paying attention.I was so excited to see women competing that looked like real strong healthy FIT  women.Women whose big thighs and  proportionally wide hips, and sometimes lack of ta tas might have been summarily rejected by modeling agents everywhere... but  in reality added up to strength and grace and health. Women with perfectly imperfect bodies by Vouge standards... but totally perfect by the standards of health and wellness and strength.

No such luck though.I heard and read many conversations saying things like "OMG that chick was way to fat to be in a swimsuit on TV,,"OMG did you SEE her legs???" "HELLO birthing hips twelve o clock""etc etc.About super fit athletes who  probaby train daily and live pretty healthy lifestyles.Sigh. And SIGH.

Anyway..digress...

The point of today's' musings is I am encouraged to see the definition of "healthy expanding".So to speak:D....
 .
HOWEVER,,, all of that  being said.... let me say.. I am in no way a "fat advocate" as we think of that term.

I do not wish you all to become fat.

I do not run around declaring all of us should be fat.

I have a wide range of lovely  girlfriends.. some fat... some medium... and some thin..Heart them all and celebrate their gorgeousness.

If you are not fat, I do not think you are a junky  hateful shallow person nor do I assume you hate fat people.

If you work to maintain a certain body weight and  level of fitness I admire your ability to stick to and achieve your goals and do not disparage you in the LEAST.:)

I do not  believe that fat is a disability or a disease or affords me or anyone else special considerations.

I do not believe that it is ANYTHING but what it is. A physical characteristic.

I am fat like I am short.. and brunette.. and fair skinned. Fat is one aspect of my physical package.Likely created in the genes I received from my two overweight parents. Just as they gave me brown eyes, a short nose and a tiny space in  my teeth:)

At my smallest adult weight I was never ever as thin as  young girls WISH to be.I was a pretty solid  size 9(7 when in a non eating  or crash diet  phase ) from high school on.. when the teenage dream was a 3:)My  build is more stocky peasant than lanky super model:) But despite the horse on my butt being JUST slightly larger then  the one on AngieKerriJenMichelleLoris' booty, I have always felt fairly confident in my own cuteness:)I decided fairly early on that I was a pretty girl who was not a swimsuit model and I worked with the hand I was dealt:)

And I am not saying I shot out of the cookie with fully developed confidence. My inert belief that I rock was always there(sometimes to a fault)I always had this sort of  inexpiable princessy attitude.. but like all women in our culture, there were periods of  insecurity invoked dieting and body image issues.I do not think any women in our wold is immune completely.(And of course, it was usually involving a boy:) But by my early twenties I was pretty much convinced that I was awesome just as I was and awesomeness was more than the tag in my jeans or the number on the scale I tossedinthetrashandleftitthere.By the time  my first marriage ended in my mid twenties I was  way over it:)

Now to that end... I had some great role models.Most of the women in my family are slightly to moderately overweight.. mostly of the southern end variety..(save for a few who got some random  weird athletic gene Amy and Renee and Mary bless you:))and while I grew up listening to them bitch about the size of their butts and pinch their belly rolls regretfully here and there...that was not the be all and end all of my memories.They were all GOOD and  happy and pretty and great cooks and great moms and hilarious and passionate about everything and STRONG.
Even though my  own mom was always sure she was supergiant fat.. that seemed like such a small part of her..she was so pretty and kind to everyone  and such a great mommy and so many things that seemed so much more important.

I have  also been so majorly blessed with strong confident women as friends.My dearest dear Amanda Claire... from the get go was such an example of being ok in your own skin. I have seen this girl at a size 7 and seen her at a size 24 and there is absolutely no difference in how beautiful or confident or happy she is.And she was like this at 14 when we met :) I had other girlfriends throughout high school and college and life... who were strong and beautiful and confident and ambitious beyond their bikinis:) Tracy Z... my Indy bestie is another shining example..confident WAY beyond her years.... she is a brilliant  lovely sparkly eyed girl with a brilliant creative mind, one of the best moms I know, and walks around completely comfortable in her package.Ms Shuntell my other Indy bestie who is not even in fats county... but is a gorgeous SUPREMELY confident woman with whom I have NEVER had a "we hate our bodies" conversation with.Ms Tink who is seriously one of a kind anyway.. and while she may drop a casual "I'm so fat" here and there... You know she doesn't really think it matters.. and her utterly one of a kind way of decorating herself is a testament to  a beautiful spectrum.And Tracy N who is superfit and strong and a brilliant inspiring advocate for good health  but is blessed with eyes that see beauty however it shows itself. And Zumba Rhonda who I don't know that well but in 6 weeks of class  has made a lifetime impression on me! She  who is gorgeous and curvy and not skinny and who VERY energetically teaches ZUMBA(this is NO small feat) and is a perfect example of what I am trying to get across here.And  of course...my sister Allie ... who is convinced that she is the coolest thing on wheels no matter what:)My Aurora.. my unbio sister who  happily went from a girl men stopped on the street to declare her  the "most beautiful girl in the world" to a regular pretty happy woman who hates makeup and is morally opposed to heels not found in nature:) Mark Ds' beloved Dawn,,, who while she IS every bit the gorgeous Buffy girl  Mark was seeking...   is one of the sweetest most un-bitchy to others girls I know!!And on THAT note my Army Crissy who seriously is the American dream walking..The girl is like the pied piper of boys:) And I have never  ever had a single conversation with her about calories ..ass size.. or ever ever EVER  heard her  tearing down anyone else..And  again...on THAT note ALL  my Army wives who are all gorgeous and all  such a beautiful mix of strength and confidence and kindness.... And there are so many others that I have been lucky enough to know..don't feel slighted if I did not mention you..cause my life is full of gorgeous women who don't spend ALL their time talking about calories and beating themselves up for loving cake:)It would take three blogs:)

And that statement may annoy some of you who do that. And you know.. I don't mean it to be hurtful. I hurt FOR you. I am sad when I talk to a gorgeous smart talented women and hear her tell me that she cant look at herself naked cause she is revolting.And usually she is so far away from  anyone's idea of revolting.Usually she is skinner than I am and... I honestly do not know any butt ugly girls soooo... she is also usually cute:). And I am just always kind of  flabbergasted:)...

So I guess this is why I am encouraged by studies like this. I  don't want everyone  to give up and  go on non stop burrito binges.. But I would love to see a world where the definition of health is tailored to the individual rather than a physical ideal.

Where women who are blessed to be mommies can look at their baby altered bodies and feel as gorgeous as they should.. having created LIFE in those  bodies.. instead of feeling sad.

Where teenage girls can stop puking up all their food in a effort to look like someone elses idea of pretty and learn early on to be their OWN best.

(And....  maybe play more sports instead of wait around for boys all the live long day maybe?? pleaseandthnkyou universe:))

Because I AM an individual, a one off... a one of a kind:)And so are YOU. And all the YOUS. I am the only me and there is nothing wrong with this me. I am fat AND  pretty healthy.(Except for my PCOS which is a genetic fluke and has nothing to do with my pasta  habit:) I exercise the required 3 times a week (soldier man says not hard enough but I am not a soldier thankyouverymuch) and I try to eat healthy most of the time.(Go 80/20!!)

And like most of us I could do more, and I aspire to more ...I want to be FITTER and stronger than I am..Just because I don't care if I am someone elses idea of bikini ready,,, does not mean I want to be Jabba the hut... but I aspire to a healthy ME .. not a healthy YOU ..or you.. or her..:) And while I am working on that..  life is IN PROGRESS.. and it is a journey I don't want to MISS!! If this were my last day I would not want to have spent it crying over my didnotevengetababyoutofthesestretchmarks or round belly or my short little legs that are shaped exactly like my 1 year old  me pics.. :)We are all works in progress.If we re going to love ourselves at all we have to love who we are in this moment because we only truly HAVE this one...Life is short...We can't put our lives on hold until we get to some magickal perfect place because... THAT place my beloveds exists NOWHERE in heaven or earth. And I for one,refuse to sit around and not live until I reach the  "ideal".

So more studies like this I say. And more emphasis on being our personal bests. More supporting each other rather than tearing each other down.

Cause healthy is beautiful... strong is beautiful... confidence is beautiful... and we are all ...somewhere... sometime.. in the eyes of our husbands.. and wives... and babies... and mom,,,s and daddies'... and ultimately in the eyes of our creator ..utterly,, perfectly..uniquely.. Beautiful.

Happy New Year Beloveds:)
 





















http://blogs.voanews.com/science-world/2011/08/15/study-its-ok-to-be-fat/

I am a Chipolte Flavored Goddess!!

Thanks to the brilliant Tracy Zavaleta…A mock Chipolte steak burrito recipe recently landed in my hot little hands…:) Since I would eat Chipolte before almost ANYTHING... except maybe white castle (cause I am totally classy like that:).as well as SUPER health conscious you see...)I of course had to try it. So first we pursued the CHIPOLTE FAN website. Yes… there REALLY is one. Someone loves Chipolte so much that they created a fan website… With MESSAGE boards and allJ!!! The recipe called for a whole bunch of other  stuff like oregano and onions and wine... But the comments from  so called Chipolte employees indicated that that was crap… and the famous fabulous marinade was just chipolte peppers in adobo and salt. So that is what we did. Marinated it all night…. made some pinto beans with garlic, a little fresh salsa… and the famous cilantro lime rice…steamed the burrito tortillas… got out our super duper cast iron stove top grill…. and got ready to grill.. Things got a LITTLE tricky when we started the grilling howeverJ And by tricky I mean… super hot pepper smoke filling the kitchen and burning our lungs and eyeballs tricky…. setting off the smoke alarm tricky…. rushing to put on the fans and open the doors to the freezing snowscape outside trickyJ Coughing up lungs trickyWe suck at this stupid stove top grill..We really really DO…Anddddd… after all the chaos..the steak was charred outside  and raw inside.. so we began a cycle of  the in- and-  of- the- oven dance for a bitJ  All in all though.. it DID taste like Chipolte!! Although more so when it was crazy rare then when all was said and done ( read:WELL which is not MY cup of steak..but so be it)J Soldier man of course did not like it and ended up eating a PBJ as he does most nights we try something newJ.BIG shockJ We used thick ribeye though and he hates any cut with even a smidge of fat… so I should have seen that comingJBut even he admitted the seasoning was dead on. he just requested we use a filet next time and SHRED it. Sigh…JSomehow I doubt the $6 burrito from The real Chipolte uses filet .

But all in all it was pretty easy!! If you love Chipolte..live an hour from one like I do… and know ho to use a stove top grill I highly recommend it!! Recipes following….

Chipolte Steak

I can Chipolte Peppers in adobo sauce..

2 pounds steak

The chipolte  in adobo is available canned  in ANY grocery even here in Green Acres)

If you want to get the peppers dried and soak them and make the sauce more power to you but I used cannedJ

Dump the peppers and sauces in a plastic bag… add meat… salt with sea salt or kosher salt. shake the bag to coat and then refrigerate overnight.

When ready to grill take the steak out and let it sit for a little ( in my experience most cuts of steak get tough if you grill cold)

As I said we are still working out the bugs with the stovetop grill so I am not much help here..

The directions that came with our grill say to heat the grill to VERY VERY HOT with no oil  (drop of water bounces)

Lightly oil the steaks( and I mean LIGHT with a brush) and put on the grill

Times vary for different doneness so I would advise using your own method or looking it up. Someday if I perfect this I will share!!! Alternately if YOU have a tried and true method PLEASE SHARE!!!

Do not over grill…l as the unique Chipolte flavors went away when we cooked the meat to well.. I think the rareness has something to do with the flavor.

When done tent with foil and let the meat rest a bit before cutting so you do not lose all the juice!!!

Lime cilantro rice

In a rice cooker combine 1 cup rice with 2 ½ cups water 3 tbsp lime juice and chopped cilantro to taste

(or boil rice in a pot according to the package directions)

Set to cook (mine takes 20 minutes… when it switches to warm it is done)

(FYI,,My rice cooker was one of Jays mad-dash-to-Walgreens-filler-xmas-gifts and  turned out to be one of the BEST things I own cooking wise..LOVE this.. if you don’t have one and you eat rice  GET ONE…)

Pinto beans

Combine one can pintos or 1 cup fresh(soaked dried and cooked the day before ) with 6 cloves chopped garlic(or 3 tbsp canned minced) ½ a small white onion and ¼ cup water or stock

Simmer on low 30ish minutes

Salsa

Chop tomatoes jalapeno white onion and cilantro (or throw in food processor) mix with 3 Tbsp limejuice sea salt and black pepper

Perfect Guacamole

Smash avocado with potato masher stir in lime juice salt black pepper and a few Tbsp of the salsa. Mix just a little

Stick the pits in the bowl until serving so it does not get brown too fast and refrigerate

Then just steam your tortillas fill them and rollJ

Pretty easy and CLOSE to the real thingJ

Variations

Low Carb

Use a low carb tortilla (9-12 net carbs for burrito size) or make it a bowl and cut the rice and beans to a ¼ cup ( 10 carbs rice.. 10  carbs beans (roughly 40 carbs in a cup but there IS a lot of fiber in the beans and the rice if you use brown so net counts can vary)

Lower Fat and Calories

If you watch fat and calories use a leaner cut or chicken…. Use light or FF sour cream and cheese and fill it up with more veggies than meat or dairy

Happy Burrito Making!!

I LOVE Halloween!! Love Love Love!! Big BIG hearts.

This has always been my favorite holiday in all the land!!!

As a little kid Halloween was the most magical of all my magickal days.You can imagine that a kid who swore she saw fairies and ghosts and all things unseen would way get into this holiday.Getting to be outside at night... in the cold dark....all dressed like something far far away was THE highlight of my year:) Even as a teenager it was fun:) I think we dragged the  candy getting out farther than it needed to be because the magick never waned:) And I am little,I passed as a kid FOR much longer than I cared to! I could probably  still pass as a kid if I waltzed around under a sheet!Not as much of thrill now though because I can buy my own candy and walk out into the night at will!!

However this is still my favorite holiday EVER. and now that I am a grownup and know the origins of Halloween I get why it was such a big deal:)

I love all the traditions and ideas that blend to give us what we call Halloween.If you DON"T know..Our Halloween is loosely based on Samhain  which is a holiday that had its beginnings in an ancient, pre-Christian Celtic festival of the dead. The Celtic people, and many other people of that time,divided the year by four major holidays. According to their calendar, the year began on a day corresponding to November 1st on our present calendar. The date marked the beginning of winter. Since they were pastoral people, it was a time when cattle and sheep had to be moved to closer pastures and all livestock had to be secured for the winter months. Crops were harvested and stored. The date marked both an ending and a beginning in an eternal cycle.

Samhain was the beginning of the dark time of the year and thus naturally became a time to acknowledge the dark parts of  ourselves and the world, namely death and the world beyond.Samhain was also a time to honor the ancestors and those who had passed.

The Celts believed that at the time of Samhain, more so than any other time of the year,the veil between our world and the world beyond was the  thinnest.They believed that  the ghosts of the dead were able to mingle with the living on this night .. .People  lit bonfires in honor of the dead, to aid them on their journey, and to keep them away from the living.(origins of our jack o lanterns)It was believed that on Samhain  all manner of beings were abroad: ghosts, fairies, and demons--all part of the dark and dread.From this so many of our traditions come..

Both Mexicans and Italians celebrate a similar holiday at this time of the year. In Italy they celebrate Ognissanti over two days, November 1 and November 2.In Mexico the day of the dead or
Día de los Muertos is celebrate don November 1st, again to honor thse who have passed  and also to celebrate life and living.

Most cultures have a holiday such as this...many in the fall...some at other parts of the year.

I love that.That different people in different places...  all over the world.. are tapping into a common sense of tradition and belief.

In my particular spiritual worldview there are many influences. You could say I kind of believe in everything.I call myself a pagan for that reason..because... How I feel about the world.. and God.. and the universe doesn't really ft into any one "religion"so.... I take a little bit from all of them and use what speaks to me... what motivates me... and what feeds my particularly peculiar  soul.

So my Halloween is a little bit of a lot of things:) Some cooking, some craftiness, some reflection, a little honoring and homage, and a lot of celebrating the thing I am most grateful for.... my comfy happy home and my soldier man.

Clearly we do not trick or treat anymore.. I have usually hosted a party since I was old enough to do so..Jay and I always had a party when we lived in Chicago unless one of the Witchy Trio hosted. Halloweens are usually  highly social days for us:)

Since we have been in Indy a party has not worked out. Last year we helped do a block party in October and this year we took vacation around Halloween.
So it has been a little low key..But pretty blissy:). We started a  tradition of making pumpkin ravioli for our Halloween feast and carving our pumpkin on Halloween night while watching DVRd Charlie Brown:)

And that is what we are up to tonight:) We are on the couch in post pumpkin carving and post dinner haze and  soldier man is annoying me because he is refusing to share candy giving duty..declaring it "womans' work" but you know.. there is wine and the fireplace and the fact that my life kind of rocks... so I can't be too mad:)

So...Happy Halloweeny all!! Leaving you with an image from one of my favorite  witchy artists ever! Paulina Stuckey !!

Not the Mommy!

Annoyance rant alert!! Do not read if you don't want rantiness today:) VENTING on high.

DEAR MOMS,
Please stop telling other women that they know squat about kids cause they did not expel one. Especially if they DO know squat!!!!! It is SOOOO rude!!!!!

So.. The story...Talked to an old  friend for a bit today..had a lovely conversation that  quickly deteriorated into the kind that makes  my head head do it's explody trick.She is a girl who is slightly older than me and has just had her first baby.On purpose.Without benefit of marriage or security..Because it was “just  TIME”..AND she sort of tricked the guy...(So pretty much said " to hell with what a kid needs  and to hell with being ethical toward others.. as long as MY desires are met") AND  she had said bebe with a guy who swears he is "NEVER getting married" and is " "biologically polyamourus"(it iS a real quote.. I cannot even START on this dirtyfooted penishead she is dating... or it will be five pages long and Shuntell will need TWO snacks to get through:))..And really it  IS  is neither here nor there to my tale:)Just  people having babies on purpose in crap situations because they "want a baby" annoys me.Tweaks my buttons.....I KNOW accidents happen and you make the best of it..The BEST parents I know are  ALL OOPS parents:) But to deliberately create a life when you don't have your OWN life together...  is IN MY OPINION selfish.BUT anyway..that mini rant was not the real rant...

So.. I am talking to my friend about her new baby girl.. Or rather SHE is talking. I am saying things like OOHH… and awww and… so precious. Cause it is all I can get in.. and really.. All that was needed..

She is telling me about her babys’ colic and how she is treating it. I commented that perhaps she should check with the DR…because she had NOT.(She was diagnosing colic herself and treating with plant juice and moonbeams ) because sometimes serious stuff mimics colic.

The response? “Oh no I don’t think so. I know you MEAN well Maur, but seriously when YOU ARE  a MOM you will understand. SINCE YOU ARE NOT A MOM you don’t understand that we MOMS  just KNOW how to diagnose our kids. I KNOW nothing is seriously wrong and the dandelion enemas will be just enough”
K.
SIGH.
BOOM.There went  my head.Even though I had both hands on it trying to hold it down…

Now  I have ranted  about this before.. You  girls..Girls like me.. who get into your thirties or older and do not have babies... you KNOW how this goes

In addition to the fact that most people think you are weird for being 30 or 40 something without kids,,,MANY women walk around the world asserting that If you have not GROWN a baby you know NOTHING about children or parenthood
.
IMO…This is utter BULLhockey.. Because if it  is true that maternal instinct….parental success… and  the ability to care for children ONLY comes after you actually give birth to them… Then you are negating all adoptive parents, non traditional familes, and DADS.You are saying that a mom that adopts her children or has them by surrogate does not really have a mom instinct because her hipbones are in the same place they were pre baby? A grandmother who is raising her second generation has a different love for the kids cause they came from a hoo hoo once removed? Two dad families  know crap about parenting cause their kid came from a borrowed hoo? See my point?

In addition there are a gazillion women who give birth without one smidge of mom instinct.

While there are of course experiences unique to childbirth and biological parenting... I do not believe that those two factors result in more capable or effective child CARE or rearing .

Despite the fact that I have not pushed a human being  out my cookie, I have lots of kid experience. I have spent the better part of my adult life working in Early Childhood Ed , as a nanny, and in various direct care settings. I am pretty well versed on kids and all things that come with them. I have a degree in ECE and several state certifications.In addition.. despite not being a parent I have “parented”. As a nanny I have been the primary caretaker for many children that I loved
.
No... I did not BIRTH those children…. but I fed them and changed them and treated their diaper rash and took them to get their shots and cleaned up endless poop and vomit.. and stayed up with them when they had earaches and bad dreams and taught them to read and took them to the Dr and the ER with 102 fevers and worried about them and made them birthday cakes and helped with homework and ballet and soccer and all the million other things that one does when they are caring for children.

I have loved children and cared for children and that experience has taught me things that are relevant and useful and should be shared.

If I SAY something, there is a decent chance I can back it up. I was commenting as a person with experience, NOT as a birth mommy expert!

 My life’s work and my experience is not irrelevant. I would go so far to say that my experiences as a noththemom  are more relevant then the experiences of some  “moms” who may have pushed out the baby…. but could not be bothered to do any parenting from that point on?

Would you rather get parenting advice from me or the crack whore on Washington street pushing her kid to a drug deal in the grocery cart? Chances are her kid came from her bits... so perhaps she knows best?

I guess what annoys me more... is that this friend had LIVED my experience. She had been one of those women rolling through her thirties with most of the women around her having kids... and  other women looking at her sideways because she had not had any babies.

She had BEEN in the notamommy club… she knows that sometimes that is a weird position in the world.Yet she was more than willing, upon her dive  into momworld... to jump RIGHT on that  bandwagon.

And I am NOT a fan of that bandwagon. I HATE that bandwagon in fact.

I hate that despite making children my lifes work, people will still dismiss me as knowing nothing because of my virginal birth canal.

Pisses me off to no end. If any of the beloved moms I know have ever said that to someone….. really stop and think about it. Because it is hurtful. And kind of mean.

ALSO>>>>>>On a related note…

I hate that despite being a fairly awesome person who has had a colorful amazing life deserving of NO pity , I AM in fact pitied quite often when I disclose my nokidhaving self.

Perfect strangers ask me how many kids I have all the time. And when I say none.. they make a sound like I said I had terminal cancer.. and then ask the most personal questions you can imagine about my parts… and THEN tell me all about their great aunt Sadie Jane who finally conceived her babies at the ripe old age of 97 after she drank peanut juice and raw beet smoothies and brayed at the moon for eleven days in a remote YERT in Timbuktu.

And Gods forbid I say I don’t WANT any! Then they look at me all fisheyed like I said I wanted to EAT babies and stop talking.

I  hate that should I ultimately choose NEVER to parent my own children , that choice will be seen as a completely non valid one.

Truth is.. Soldier man and I do not know what we are doing about kids. Prior to getting together and after our first marriages... we were both careful to AVOID having babies we were in no way ready for. In the decade we have been together, we have intentionally NOT had any because we were waiting until we felt we were in a place to be good providers and stable .Now that we are in that place we are still not sure. We have a great life and  a life that is perfect for us. We like kids but as grown ups, we are now aware of what raising a child really entails. It is not just about what WE want. It is about weather or not we can give a kid what THEY need.Like most humans,I DO adore snugly squishy powder smelling babies that coo and make cute faces..And when I see babies and all their cute things and their cute little feets... I always WANT one.But ...I am not sure that at this point we have what it takes to be patient enough and unselfish enough to have one all the time.Babies are WORK. And children change your world forever  and become the center of it. This is as it should be.. but we are really thinking about wheather or not we really WANT that. And we MIGHT not after all.

We LIKE to sleep in and go on vacation and spend our days doing whatever we want. There is a scenario where our lives are about us and our relationship and family and friends and travel and making art and running marathons and contributing to the world in ways other than rasing children.

BUT..There is also a scenario where we really WANT the experience and we want our world changed and full of sticky baby kisses and mudpies and endless “whys??” and all the other bazillion ways that kids make your life better and sillier and more full of glitter and butterflies!.And either way is ok.Neither way is right or wrong.There are just two different paths here.

The jury is  just still out on whether we WILL ...

But in any case.. if we don’t have kids we are still going to have a great life. And as I am planning a career full of kids and at least 2/3 of our siblings are for sure going to get parental… I don’t think our lives will lack them:)

So there is my rant. All over the place but hopefully you get the point.. Or points I guess. I am sure there are a million opinions on this as well as a lot of experience .Feel free to offer yoursJ <3